Uh...I have no idea how to begin what the hell happened over the weekend. I didn't go to work yesterday because I was too rundown to accomplish anything worthwhile. I guess to start I should say that I'm happy that I didn't have to do any major damage control - usually when you get as drunk as I do that happens.
So yeah, my birthday party was on Saturday. I'd like to thank everyone for coming through and providing me with one of the best birthday parties I've ever had. I wish all of your cheap asses tipped more because you made me look bad, but if that's the worst thing to come out of the party that's fine by me.
Editor's Note: Highly unlikely we're going back to that place, at least at the discount they provided. Too many people decided to be ungrateful and not throw down any bills. Then again, the party started with all this alcohol being thrown in our face, and I suppose once everyone's already drunk, me saying repeatedly, "Hey, everyone needs to throw down!" isn't clear enough. Either way, definitely a good thing that they didn't see me piss in their bushes.
It was quite the eventful Saturday night if I may say so myself. There were some unexpected hookups amongst friends - which was immensely entertaining - and I achieved exactly what I wanted to: I got so drunk that I couldn't have cared less about anything. I even used MacGyver's pickup line on this chick: "Hey are you retarded? Cuz I can tell that you're special from way over there." You shouldn't have to ask me if it worked or not - that should be obvious.
Editor's Note: By the end of the night I was drinking Patron straight from the bottle. It was great when this girl said to me, "Hey Dan, can I get a shot of that Patron?" I said, "You know what? No...it's my birthday so I can do that." Sometimes, as lame as this sounds, I just wanna high-five myself.
'Hey, so I'm not an angry drunk after all' Tangent: I was talking to Biff on the phone today and he informed me of something I have no recollection of that I did Saturday night. What happened was we were at this bar until around 2-2:30; after that we went somewhere else to keep boozin. Once we got there I can remember about 2 minutes of what transpired, most of it being the pickup line mentioned above. Anyway, so Biff told me that at one point we started to hug: Hey, you know how it is with us Rockland folk...we got man love. So we're hugging and we're really drunk, when our momentum caused us to bump into this woman, who got really pissed off. She was like, "What the fuck man? Get off me!" I responded, "Na it's okay, it's okay...it's my birthday," and I reached out to give the woman a hug. She knew we were harmless so she hugged me, but her boyfriend was watching and he got really pissed. So this dude comes up to me - the guy hugging his girlfriend - like, "What the fuck is going on? Get off my girlfriend bro!" So I responded to him the same way I did to his girl: "Na it's okay, it's okay...it's my birthday," and I reached out to hug him too. See that? All problems avoided by a simple hug.