Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Lacking The Fallback

To all you Irish folks out there: Happy St. Patrick's Day. To everyone else: Have fun getting drunk and being an honorary Irishman for a day. I can't remember ever partaking in St. Patty's Day, simply because I'M NOT IRISH. I personally don't need an excuse to get drunk, but I'm not a hater and I totally understand that it's fun to happily get drunk with the masses, boozin' like there's no tomorrow. You would think that significantly less people are going hard tonight because tomorrow's Thursday, but something tells me most people don't give a fuck.

Editor's Note: I'm honestly not trying to be a rebel, I just never had much of an interest in this holiday. But, as previously stated, I am a strong advocate of unity and organized belligerence. Do you think on the scale of "Holidays We Regret Celebrating the Day After," there's another that comes close to this day? I doubt it.

Okay that's enough St. Patrick's Day for me. So on the usual unrelated note, there was something I was thinking about yesterday that - also as usual - is probably too inappropriate for me to discuss with most people.

There have been many instances on this blog in which I've touched upon the subject of masturbation - no pun intended. Most dudes use visual stimulation - i.e. a porno or a magazine - I'm not really like that. I typically play back experiences I've had or experiences I would like to have. The mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Now there are three situations that cause a guy to masturbate: 1) Boredom. 2) They're horny. 3) They're about to have sex and they want to last longer. I will be referring to mainly #1, because when you're horny masturbation is practically the easiest thing in the world and when you're about to have sex you're incredibly motivated.

Editor's Note: One time I wanted to last really long so I J.O.'d back-to-back. No easy feat. That takes some real mental power.

So because I don't use visual stimulation too often, as I've gotten older I've noticed that my fantasies just aren't the same, which is noticeably hindering my bored masturbation process. Because I don't look at women as foreign territory like I used to, it has definitely changed the way I alleviate this boredom. But when a guy masturbates out of boredom, typically there's that one image, that one girl, who will always get him to bust: The Fallback.

No matter what happens, no matter what mood you're in, you can jerk off to this one chick and get right where you need to be. Sometimes as men we go through fallback phases, but for the most part there's the girl who will always stick out in our minds. Maybe I'm just more experienced or maybe I just smoke too much weed, but as of now I don't have a fallback and it's disappointing.

Editor's Note: I can only picture your mom in so many positions.

See for me I'm more of a realistic masturbator - I understand and appreciate that the process is mainly for the purpose of fantasy, but I'd like to think that what I'm masturbating to is feasible, therefore 95% of the time I rule out celebrities/models/porn stars in regards to my mental material. When I was younger and I would masturbate to cure boredom, it was so much easier to get in the mode. I was a fucking jack rabbit with that shit, as are most teenage boys/men in their early 20's. I could easily buckle down and focus on my fallback chick, making the process smooth sailing.

Nowadays, no one comes to mind. I mean, of course people come to mind, but I have no sure thing - no chick who enables me to solely focus on her without my mind wandering during the bored masturbation process. Where are you sexy fallback girl? Will you ever come back to me, or are you gone forever?

Yes, there are strippers, but it's not the same. Though they're hot as hell, sometimes I have trouble masturbating to something I can so easily accomplish on any given night. I think what it comes down to is I'm too literal of a person, which has now translated into how I masturbate. See when I fantasize about life in general, there's always something that pops into my mind to impede that fantasy. I don't know why...I've just always been like that. For instance let's say I have a daydream that I'm winning money playing craps...something will always happen like a drink spilling or a worker accusing me of cheating that slows down the fantasy and brings me back to the real world. Why does that happen? It's my fantasy!

That's why I need the fallback. I need the chick that's going to get it done no matter what. I guess the simple solution is to move to porno but I'd honestly like to avoid that. I could also masturbate less but that's not happening anytime soon. That makes it out like I'm a rabid jerker-offer, which I'm not. On any given week I'll average once a day, and that's less than the average dude I believe, including those who get laid.

Editor's Note: You would think that when a guy's getting laid he jerks off less. That might be the case with some guys, but for the most part I compare it to eating food. If you don't eat all day, sure you might be hungry at dinnertime, but nowhere near as hungry as you would be if you had breakfast and lunch. Same with jerking off: If you're having lots of sex it makes you want to do it more.

It's not like I'm ever unable to accomplish bored masturbation, it simply hasn't been as fun. Maybe I just haven't exposed myself to enough Spanish chicks lately. know what I mean.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

haha, banging hot strippers attainable? don't think you're quite there yet buddy, who do you think you are, me?