Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Big Apple Has Worms

Luke called me from California last night to say hello. "Hey, I need you to do me a big favor," he said seriously. As a good friend of his, I was now forced to pay a little more attention to what was originally a lighthearted conversation. "Yeah man, what's up?" I replied. He said, "Can you tell your mom that I won't be able to bang her until Wednesday?"


Editor's Note: Luke and Ace are really the only ones who set people up for mom jokes. Van just straight up says, "I banged ya motha," and the rest of our friends deal with it. Back in high school we played tackle football every week, and one day we were raggin on EZE's mom big time. EZ said, "Shut the fuck up, my mother's a saint!" Van replied in a Rodney Dangerfield voice, "Yeah...a Saint Bernard!" I don't know if he made that up on the spot - he says he did - but that was an incredible moment in my life.

Luckily it didn't occur to me to tell Luke that my mother's birthday is today, because it would've turned into a barrage of mom jokes. Yeah, happy b-day mom. And if you're reading this, I'm gonna be really pissed at you. You're not allowed to read my blog...we talked about this.

So, every year coinciding with my mother's birthday, the family takes a trip up to Maine for Memorial Day Weekend where I meet up with my aunt and uncle and cousins Harvey and Evan. I love them all more than I love you, so I'm really excited to see them. We've had some great times over the years, as #2 in this entry could tell you.

What's also good about going to Maine is that I get to take a break from the New York scene. The asshole people, the expensive food/drinks, the flaky girls...everything. Obviously I love New York, but it's always good to get away for a little while - hit the beach, go running, smoke some weed, eat some lobster - it's necessary to get distracted every few months I think.

Maybe I've just been meeting more white girls lately, but god damn are those bitches flaky. I met a girl three weeks ago who I like(d) a lot - like, way more than the average first encounter. She made it a point to say, "You better call me tomorrow; I don't play games," which caused me to be even more skeptical. Turns out I was right.

It's not that I don't think I can ever see her, but she's so hard to get in touch with and is full of empty promises. Like I said, flaky. What sucks is that we have so much in common and definitely had a connection that for me is typically obscure. I guess this girl is like a puzzle that's 75% finished - there's a bunch of pieces noticeably missing, yet I'm a piece that clearly fits. The only problem is the piece is wet, and though it fits, it takes awhile for a puzzle piece to dry. Unfortunately I don't have the patience for that. I've never liked puzzles for that very reason: no patience.

About a month before that, I mentioned that I met a girl at a bar who I typically would never meet. I like when that happens. She wasn't flaky by any means...I just feel like writing about it. We got to talking and things went oddly well; then I found out she lives far away, and now she's in New Hampshire. We still keep in touch surprisingly enough and I would've loved to see her on my ride to Maine. Unfortunately I'm with too many people to make a pit stop there.

So yeah, sorry JiJi. That's right: you have a nickname now. Congratulations. I'm sorry you had this awesome first impression of me and then I showed you my blog a week later, only to find out that I'm reckless, a pothead (though I've cut back tremendously), probably too animated and slightly man-whorish. Like you said, you met "Me" and then you met "Blog Me." There are some correlations with the two, but ultimately there's no way we'd still be talking if you met the latter first. I mean, how weird is it that I met you when I was sober and you were drunk, and since you're into history, I managed to somehow know all the U.S. capitals? It was going too well. I knew that I had to show you my blog so you wouldn't keep thinking what you did. That's life I guess. I know we've talked about this before, but I felt like blogging it. I'm glad we're still talking, especially because we have little-to-nothing in common; we're both constantly getting new perspectives.


Annabelle said...

OMFG. Maine = My Childhood. We spent a lot of time in Bah Hah-bah but I was more into those creepy inland towns, where everyone seemed to have shotguns, rottweilers, and inbred children. In retrospect I have NO IDEA why we were there, but it was all very Stephen King and I felt like I was in a cool ghost story.

Danaconda said...

Maine's my second home. If it weren't for my friends and family I would move there in a heartbeat. I've been there every year of my life for as long as I can remember. Growing up in New York it took me about 18 years to truly appreciate Maine for what it is.

Bar Harbor's the shit...one guy gave me weed at a bar once. Why you might ask? "Yo man, thanks a lot for talking to me," he said. Unbelievable.

Margaret said...

You get a follow, the first paragraph of the entry made me laugh out loud. For real, not for internet speak.