Editor's Note: I haven't been to a college graduation in awhile. I skipped my own because like I said, it's boring, and I didn't want to put my family through that obligatory bullshit. But I sweah to Gawd, if they play that Eve 6 song I'm gonna cockslap somebody. Not my sister though...that's really fucked up. I don't know why you would even think that. Sick fuck.
Addendum to Editor's Note: I accidentally typed "suck fuck" because the 'i' is so close to the 'u' on the keyboard. Obviously I didn't leave it, but I found it funny and I thought it was worth mentioning. Oh yeah, it's also worth mentioning that my sister doesn't read my blog - she'd fuckin freak if she saw what I just wrote. Then again, if there was a sister who didn't freak out from that then that's just fucking weird.
So now I have to sit through bullshit speeches from old people about "moving forward" while teachers who don't deserve accolades get them. Every single one of these are the same - people fight for seats like it's the Oscars; the school president runs his mouth about the future; the same Indian kids get awards for good grades; and there's always that one hot white chick who is way too well-rounded to truly exist. Kind of like one of the strippers from Wednesday night - I told her she looked like a cartoon character. I meant it in a 'Jessica Rabbit' sort of way, but I don't think she understood the compliment. Then again, I was pretty hammered.
You know none of the graduates really want to be there that badly - most of them do it for their families. So the family sits there and takes pictures all fucking day, meanwhile none of them know how to take a decent picture and end up getting way too many of the fat girl sneaking chocolate from under her robe, or that fat dude who managed to somehow sneak a double cheeseburger under his. And if you're the parents of that girl or guy, I don't know what to tell you...it's probably your fault that it happened to begin with.
Graduation tangent: When my grandfather graduated he didn't tell his parents he was ditching the ceremony, so they went only to find out that their son didn't even go. I think that's fucking hysterical.
I hate how this graduation shit turns me into a hater. As I've stated many-a-times, I don't hate: I appreciate. I also masturbate, inebriate, expectorate, and fornicate...occasionally. Anyway, besides the fact that we're going for Hibachi after the ceremony, I don't see what's to really appreciate about this experience.
Editor's Note: I love Hibachi and everything about it. Especially the onion volcano. Gets me every time.
You're right, I should stop. It's not easy to graduate college. How to balance your time getting fucked up and completing school work is never easy, and I know my sister worked hard on her senior thesis. It's a big deal and when I get there I'll treat it like one. But for now, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to. You would cry too if you were a Jew...I mean...whatever you know what I mean. Have a good weekend and don't forget to house it.
Editor's Note: HOUSE IT! HOUSE IT! HOUSE IT! HOUSE IT! HOUUUUSSSSSSE IT!